It's time for a road trip.

My husband is a truck driver, so the household affairs are largely left solely up to me. Life gets more cluttered with our son's medical appointments and activities to keep him moving forward. This month is particularly hectic as I try to get my head around making plans for my and my husband's wedding...yes, wedding. Technically, we are common-law husband and wife, this wedding will make it legal, and the only thing really prompting the wedding is the need for my husband to put me on his health insurance, as my job does not provide health benefits. We've been together 4 years this July 1st and have had no real problems. We will get married on July 10th. I've never planned anything like this...especially with virtually no budget to work with.

The life of a trucker and his family is precarious, never knowing from one week to the next what's going to happen, and we have already had some close calls. My husband told me recently that trucking is the most dangerous land-based occupation in the country. Truckers get killed on the job frequently. For them, it is only a matter of time before luck runs out and it is another trucker's turn to go. My husband already knows of 3 fellow drivers who have lost their lives in accidents (caused by careless domestic drivers) over the past few months. Given my husband's penchant for getting into dangerous situations, I can conceive becoming a widow in the near future. While that may sound morbid, it is a reality that I have to accept. It is a lot like the uncertainties a military family faces. Military and trucking families have a lot in common: the soldier/driver is often gone for long stretches of time, with the spouse is left to handle the home, children, chores, finances, emergencies, etc without the help of the absent spouse. They also share high divorce rates. Scarier still is not knowing if the soldier/trucker will return home alive, or if you'll have to begin planning the funeral.

With the impending wedding, all of these thoughts have been running through my head. Perhaps I'm just scared or nervous about actually being married (this is my first marriage), perhaps I'm becoming more cognizant of my own mortality as I solidify my committment in this relationship that could end with just one phone call from a trooper or hospital a 1000 miles away. Where am I headed? Is this relationship meant to teach me lessons to prepare me for something else in the future?

It's times like this that make me want to fill up the tank, pack a few belongings and drive aimlessly, and let my thoughts sort themselves out. It's time for a road trip.