Throughout my life, I've always felt torn in two, between wanting a life of predictability and yearning for adventure in far-off places. I LOVE to travel, but I know that I can't do that as I'd like. I see people, like my mother, who prefer a staid lifestyle and wish that I could be equally content to stay in one place and live a quiet, simple life. However, my spirit is too restless to be able to sit still for too long. I quickly become bored with the daily grind, and I feel an incredible pull to go somewhere, anywhere, to see something new, experience new sights, sounds, and smells and meet people who live differently from me. I would love to go somewhere new every weekend to keep this urge tamed, but that is not always possible when I have responsibilities that take greater priority.
Amid this vacillating nature, I have one ace up my sleeve: a vivid imagination. As far back as I can remember, I would spend my free time daydreaming about another world, or dreaming about a life I would much rather prefer. It took me years to train myself to keep my tendency to daydream under control - when to focus my attention on the realities before me, and when to allow my mind to wander. In my adult life, I continue to use this ability, but it's no longer only to take me on trips. I've used it to resolve problems occurring in real life by mentally going over various scenarios and judging which solution was most possible. I've also used this skill to release anger and frustration.
Where this ability came from is beyond me. I can recall being in my youth bed at age 2 or 3 and daydreaming the afternoon away. I've often joked that I was born without an off switch for my brain, so perhaps this daydreaming is a way of expelling excess mental energy. I can be a very creative person, so perhaps this is an extension of my creative nature. Who knows? However, as much as this ability is an intrinsic part of me, it can get in the way. If something is bothering me, I cannot focus on much else until that thorn is removed and all is resolved; my mind must work it out before I can move on. For good or bad, my daydreams and I are inextricably linked, and the restless spirit that writhes inside of me must be content with this sole outlet.
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