Where Are We Going?

Last night, I decided to watch one of my favorite films, the 1995 A&E production of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice." I found myself wishing that I could go back in time. Although I'm well aware that life was not necessarily easy, society in the 18th century did offer some benefits. In some ways, life in the 1700's was much easier than life is today. Today, we strive to be unique individuals and eschew conformity. Some individuality is good, but so is some degree of conformity. Conformity can provide a sense of stability, of knowing what is expected of you; in today's world, many people ask themselves: "Who am I?", "What is my purpose in life?" In the 18th century, one's economic status and family association often decided the path a person could take. To some extent, such a person could still set forth on his own journey, but at least he knew the status quo. Today, our options in life are so vast that we are overwhelmed by our available choices.

Another benefit of 18th century society was the focus on family. Family was the center of life for many people. Perhaps my observation is incorrect, but it seems to me that modern society has become more narcissistic by comparison. As I watched the film, I noticed greater intimacy between the characters than one would find today among family members.

In the modern world, society has lost touch with what is most important: home and family. Instead, we immerse ourselves in electronic gadgets, suggestive and violent media that degrades our ability to effectively and artfully communicate with others. We are no longer in the habit of penning letters with our own hand, but prefer to type our words using a computer and send our messages through fiber optics that provide instantaneous results thousands of miles away. And as we become engrossed in our modern toys, we stuff ourselves with prepackaged foods containing artificial ingredients and chemicals that do our bodies harm. A disproportionate number of people are overweight. We have become disconnected from each other in many ways.

Perhaps the time has come to return to the basics of life; however, as I type this message on a computer and prepare to publish online, I contradict my own words and sit alone at a table in a bar and grille engrossed in my own thoughts as people sit in groups around me and music plays loudly from speakers in the room. Like so many others, I, too, am reluctant and conditioned to continue embracing modern technology that encourages instant gratification and individual pursuits. At what point will I finally slow down without feeling the need to fidget out of boredom because I crave modern diversions from the simple things in life?

Dyscalculia

Since my last post last summer, life has become much busier. I'm finally in graduate school to earn my Master of Arts in Education and earn my secondary teacher certification. I have one problem, though...math. I have always been poor with numbers yet have managed to get by with math classes within my abilities. However, I have reached an impasse as I now must prove math proficiency at the college level. I have never attained college-level math skills despite earning an associate and bachelor's degree. Somehow, the path I took to obtain my college education allowed me to avoid the math courses that give me the most grief.

For the past few years, I have considered that my weak skills may be more than simply being poor with numbers. The idea of a learning disability has crossed my mind. A person can excel at many subjects and perform dismally in one. With math, I can take a course, be able to do the work (although not necessarily understand what I'm doing, just going through the motions and copying the steps my instructor tells me to follow), and by the time I return home at the end of the day, forget how to do the entire lesson. Sometimes, I can perform well throughout the course, then forget everything within a few weeks after the course has ended and it's like I never took the course in the first place. These issues lead to anxiety and frustration. More than once, I have been reduced to tears because I could not understand how to perform a math function regardless of the amount of study time or methods. In one instance, I had to resist the urge to hurl my textbook through a closed window. I also have problems doing math problems mentally. If I were to attempt to add 2 3-digit numbers in my head, I would require several minutes because I would forget the total for each column and have to start over several times...before becoming fed up and working the problem on paper.

I did a little research and learned about a learning disability that matches all of the problems I contend with every time I encounter math--dyscalculia. I was rather surprised to find this condition. When people hear about learning disabilities, most think of disabilities in language, such as reading, dyslexia; however, some people have disabilities processing and retaining numerical data. Unfortunately, getting evaluated for this is difficult due to the length of time that I have been away from math classes. The diagnostician requires hard data, such as grades, standardized test scores, etc., I have no current data, since the last math class I took was in the early 1990's. One of these days, I would like to know for certain, but until then, I must continue to struggle moving forward despite the lack of required math skills.

Heatwave!

Regardless of where we live, we must contend with some undesirable aspect of that region's climate. In the Northeast, you have blizzards, nor' easters, and Atlantic hurricanes. The Midwest runs the gamut of climatic events: tornadoes, blizzards, flooding, drought, excessive cold or heat. In the South, one must endure high humidity from the Atlantic Ocean or Gulf Coast and high heat in the summer months.

In Texas, it is not unusual for summers to be excessively hot, but only in certain regions. However, this year, much of the state is baking under a long-lasting heatwave that has left our yards parched, and every living creature thirsty for water and cool relief. Even the smallest of creatures, ants, gravitate towards swimming pools seeking water, only to drown in the very element all of us need to survive. I have seen wild-growing bushes and small trees around my property drooping for want of water, my lawn looking more like burnt straw, and the outdoor thermometer hitting above 100F almost everyday for over a month. Being an Ohio native, I'm not bred for this type of heat, so this type of weather is hard on me. My son is more tolerant, but when you have triple-digit temps, it is not safe for anyone to play outside. Can you image how antsy my 4-year-old is being made to remain indoors most of the day?

I have been told that we are in a severe drought. I'm not surprised. Many crops are failing and the water level is dropping like a rock. If you're in an area where you are getting much cooler temperatures and plenty of rain, count your blessings. In many ways, I'd rather have an abundance of water than the opposite. I'd rather have temps in the 70's than in the 100's. If you feel otherwise, would you care to switch places?

Whirlwinds

Whirlwinds come in many different forms literally and figuratively. In my case, it is figuratively, in the form of stress. It has been some time since I last made an entry here; life has a way of sending you on detours before you can return to the main road. Since last October, much has happened that has left me physically and mentally drained. Ironically, much of my stress comes from home life, not work. I found work to be an escape from the events sapping my energy:

From November and into the first week of June, my son became ill for 1-3 days every month, with February being the worst. He missed 13 days of school due to a perceived case of measles. He had only had the first dose of his MMR vaccine, so there was a small chance that he was among the 5% of the U.S. population that requires a second dose to be fully immunized from measles, mumps, and rubella. While caring for him, I came down with a mild case of the flu and missed 7 days of work--without sick leave, as it had been used up by the end of January. A few weeks prior to getting his rash, he had spiked a fever that sent him to the emergency room with a body temperature of 104.7. After repeated contact with the school nurse and the Texas Dept. of Health, as well as the local lab that sent his bloodwork to Virginia for analysis, it was determined that he had a viral rash, not measles. By the time this was figured out, he was fully over his condition.

Currently, we have a new crisis (it never ends). My husband went into business for himself as an owner-operator truck driver in late May. While he went into his truck lease at a good time, he's had terrible luck, so far, at keeping his business in the black. Since mid-June, he has been in the negative, leaving nothing to send home to pay household expenses. Having 3 rig repairs and his regular dispatcher on vacation for a full week did not help his situation. As the bills continue to pile up, I now swallow my pride to ask my church for help, which they have; although, they could not assist at the level they would like. It is a small congregation, so funds are not plentiful. I will be applying for medicaid for my son and emergency food stamps to keep our food supply from dwindling too far. While I do have my own salary, it is not sufficient to support the family without supplementation. I loathe asking for help of this nature, but I have little choice now.

Despite the current events, our son continues to thrive. I look forward to the next school year, when he begins school as a full-time student. Most 4-year-olds are 1/2 day, but since our boy remains in special education, he will still have PPCD (Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities); however, he has also been promoted to mainstream pre-K. In the course of the last school year, he accomplished about 58 out of 60 goals set for him and mastered a few more that were set for next year!

One would think that this summer break would be a chance to relax, but the whirlwind continues to spin on. Amid trying to keep our household in order, it takes great effort to keep an autistic child occupied. With help from family, he has gymnastics, swimming, and daycare to fill his days. I do get a break from my duties 3 nights per week when my mother-in-law takes our son for overnight stays. When I do have down time, I get to pursue my hobby: genealogical research. I have done the family tree of a friend, as well as my own, with startling results, but the details are for another post.

I leave this update at this point. I have a night off tonight. Time to relax a bit.

Aging Gracefully

Until recently, I was always blessed with a youthful appearance that made me look younger than my years. Now that I'm one year shy of 40, that youthful appearance is gradually fading: gravity is slowly taking hold of my jaw line, my eyes have become more tired-looking, my joints ache often from the use and abuse they sustained in my younger years, and the silver in my hair seems to be increasing by the day, to the point that I was recently mistaken for my son's grandmother. Till now, I've been comfortable with these inevitable signs, but after being mistaken for a grandmother, I now wonder if some intervention is in order to at least look my age.

I'm not afraid of getting older or the physical changes that go with it, but I also don't wish to look older than my years. I've long eschewed hair dyes and other "anti-aging" products, considering them a form of self-denial (or fear) over one's advancing age, but now I must confess that the grandmother comment makes me reconsider the role that these products play in our lives. I remain on the fence about them, but at least I'm willing to give new consideration to these options as a way to temper my slowly changing features.

The Old Ways

Now that life has mostly returned to normal after the impact of Hurricane Ike, I have gained a greater appreciation for the need to learn the old ways of living. Over a century ago, people didn't have the luxury of air conditioning or cable TV to let them know when a storm was approaching. They knew how to get by with very little and weren't afraid to put some work into acquiring their basic needs. Today, we have become too accustomed to relying on gadgets and utilities that make life far easier than our 19th century counterparts could ever imagine. In short, we've become lazy and self-indulgent. In my own experience this past week, I felt a bit lost and frustrated by my own loss of services. I felt like I was going through withdrawal from my cable TV and internet, as well as the conveniences of refrigeration, ready hot water, and cooking with a modern stove. I found myself anxious for the return of these services and that anxiety increased as people around me began to receive their utilities again while I continued to wait for my turn.

During the past week, my family went without power, cable TV, internet, occasional phone service, and ready access to cold foods. Ice, gasoline, C & D batteries, and basic essentials for sanitation were in short supply. Time seemed to slow down and I soon found myself losing track of the days. Our routine was turned on its ear. I felt like I was thrown back 100 years to some degree. Having no electricity, we relied upon oil lamps and candles and to use them wisely, we went to bed early. Without modern technology, there wasn't much to do at night. Lacking refrigeration, we had to use food quickly and any leftovers were discarded once the meal was over. Baths were ice cold; not having the luxury of an old-fashioned wood-burning cast iron stove, we had no hot water. Had my power not returned when it had, I would have also had to resort to the old-fashioned way of washing clothes. Communication was largely basic: AM/FM radio, newspapers, and word-of-mouth. Many had use of their cell phones, but FEMA commandeered cell phone satellites for a short time and many lost their signals periodically during the week. It was easier to text than to make phone calls, so the old methods of news was still the most reliable. Some were fortunate to have battery-powered portable analog TVs, but I personally never encountered anyone who owned one. People were generally calm and orderly when forced to wait in lines for basics, but there were a few who could have used a few lessons in proper conduct.

Yet amid our recovery, I noticed something happening around me. I saw people actually talking to each other rather than being absorbed in the daily activities that require electricity, such as TV and video games. I saw young and old sitting on porches and decks together playing cards and conversing while illuminated by lanterns and candlelight. Families prepared their meals together without the distraction of modern technology. One could smell the aromas of meat cooking over gas and charcoal grills at neighboring homes. Nights were eerily quiet save for the whispered conversations from surrounding homes going on around me. I found myself daily mesmerised by a swarm of hummingbirds hungrily feeding on the sugar water that my family put out for them. They weathered the storm well and returned to their usual habits once the storm had passed, while we humans were bemoaning the loss of "things" that we came to rely upon to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and expressing our anxiety for the return of our luxuries.

Modern technology does have its place in this world, but I think we've come to rely too heavily on these conveniences, to the point that we forget how to really live until we are forced to endure some sort of disaster that requires us to return to the old ways.

Non-Authorities as Authorities

In "Within the Context of No Context," George Trow states: "Only an expert can deal with a problem. Only an expert or a pleasant man on television with access to experts. Only an expert or a man on television who knows how to welcome an expert or a problem or love for a problem. An expert or man on television or---in certain cases, an expert trained in the modes of action---a matron. In the age of no-authority, these are the authorities."

This comment from Trow makes me think about our love of talk shows, hosted by the likes of Dr. Phil, Oprah, Montel Williams, and Maury Povich, whose programs often feature various problems experienced by today's society. The guests are counciled, sometimes admonished, and questioned before millions of viewers. Yet for such personal insights into their lives, how much are these displays really worth to the audience, many of whom are seemingly addicted to these shows for the entertainment value? While we may actually learn something from their programs or feel some sense of superiority for not having the same hardships experienced by the guests, the displays, to me, seem to trivialize the suffering of those with the same afflictions, taking the programs down to the level of circus shows. I've always felt such matters should be kept personal and handled accordingly. I will allow that in some cases, the airing of a problem is beneficial to society, expecially if the problem is a rare one that needs to be made known to the populace to facilitate greater understanding. However, great care should be taken when choosing the expert to work with.

When you throw in the likes of Jerry Springer into the mix, the credibility of talk show hosts becomes even more questionable. With so many followers waiting for their hosts' next words and recommendations, should such loyalty be indicative of their (the hosts') expertise in any given matter? How did we become so reliant on talk shows to help us solve our problems?