Aging Gracefully

Until recently, I was always blessed with a youthful appearance that made me look younger than my years. Now that I'm one year shy of 40, that youthful appearance is gradually fading: gravity is slowly taking hold of my jaw line, my eyes have become more tired-looking, my joints ache often from the use and abuse they sustained in my younger years, and the silver in my hair seems to be increasing by the day, to the point that I was recently mistaken for my son's grandmother. Till now, I've been comfortable with these inevitable signs, but after being mistaken for a grandmother, I now wonder if some intervention is in order to at least look my age.

I'm not afraid of getting older or the physical changes that go with it, but I also don't wish to look older than my years. I've long eschewed hair dyes and other "anti-aging" products, considering them a form of self-denial (or fear) over one's advancing age, but now I must confess that the grandmother comment makes me reconsider the role that these products play in our lives. I remain on the fence about them, but at least I'm willing to give new consideration to these options as a way to temper my slowly changing features.

The Old Ways

Now that life has mostly returned to normal after the impact of Hurricane Ike, I have gained a greater appreciation for the need to learn the old ways of living. Over a century ago, people didn't have the luxury of air conditioning or cable TV to let them know when a storm was approaching. They knew how to get by with very little and weren't afraid to put some work into acquiring their basic needs. Today, we have become too accustomed to relying on gadgets and utilities that make life far easier than our 19th century counterparts could ever imagine. In short, we've become lazy and self-indulgent. In my own experience this past week, I felt a bit lost and frustrated by my own loss of services. I felt like I was going through withdrawal from my cable TV and internet, as well as the conveniences of refrigeration, ready hot water, and cooking with a modern stove. I found myself anxious for the return of these services and that anxiety increased as people around me began to receive their utilities again while I continued to wait for my turn.

During the past week, my family went without power, cable TV, internet, occasional phone service, and ready access to cold foods. Ice, gasoline, C & D batteries, and basic essentials for sanitation were in short supply. Time seemed to slow down and I soon found myself losing track of the days. Our routine was turned on its ear. I felt like I was thrown back 100 years to some degree. Having no electricity, we relied upon oil lamps and candles and to use them wisely, we went to bed early. Without modern technology, there wasn't much to do at night. Lacking refrigeration, we had to use food quickly and any leftovers were discarded once the meal was over. Baths were ice cold; not having the luxury of an old-fashioned wood-burning cast iron stove, we had no hot water. Had my power not returned when it had, I would have also had to resort to the old-fashioned way of washing clothes. Communication was largely basic: AM/FM radio, newspapers, and word-of-mouth. Many had use of their cell phones, but FEMA commandeered cell phone satellites for a short time and many lost their signals periodically during the week. It was easier to text than to make phone calls, so the old methods of news was still the most reliable. Some were fortunate to have battery-powered portable analog TVs, but I personally never encountered anyone who owned one. People were generally calm and orderly when forced to wait in lines for basics, but there were a few who could have used a few lessons in proper conduct.

Yet amid our recovery, I noticed something happening around me. I saw people actually talking to each other rather than being absorbed in the daily activities that require electricity, such as TV and video games. I saw young and old sitting on porches and decks together playing cards and conversing while illuminated by lanterns and candlelight. Families prepared their meals together without the distraction of modern technology. One could smell the aromas of meat cooking over gas and charcoal grills at neighboring homes. Nights were eerily quiet save for the whispered conversations from surrounding homes going on around me. I found myself daily mesmerised by a swarm of hummingbirds hungrily feeding on the sugar water that my family put out for them. They weathered the storm well and returned to their usual habits once the storm had passed, while we humans were bemoaning the loss of "things" that we came to rely upon to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and expressing our anxiety for the return of our luxuries.

Modern technology does have its place in this world, but I think we've come to rely too heavily on these conveniences, to the point that we forget how to really live until we are forced to endure some sort of disaster that requires us to return to the old ways.

Non-Authorities as Authorities

In "Within the Context of No Context," George Trow states: "Only an expert can deal with a problem. Only an expert or a pleasant man on television with access to experts. Only an expert or a man on television who knows how to welcome an expert or a problem or love for a problem. An expert or man on television or---in certain cases, an expert trained in the modes of action---a matron. In the age of no-authority, these are the authorities."

This comment from Trow makes me think about our love of talk shows, hosted by the likes of Dr. Phil, Oprah, Montel Williams, and Maury Povich, whose programs often feature various problems experienced by today's society. The guests are counciled, sometimes admonished, and questioned before millions of viewers. Yet for such personal insights into their lives, how much are these displays really worth to the audience, many of whom are seemingly addicted to these shows for the entertainment value? While we may actually learn something from their programs or feel some sense of superiority for not having the same hardships experienced by the guests, the displays, to me, seem to trivialize the suffering of those with the same afflictions, taking the programs down to the level of circus shows. I've always felt such matters should be kept personal and handled accordingly. I will allow that in some cases, the airing of a problem is beneficial to society, expecially if the problem is a rare one that needs to be made known to the populace to facilitate greater understanding. However, great care should be taken when choosing the expert to work with.

When you throw in the likes of Jerry Springer into the mix, the credibility of talk show hosts becomes even more questionable. With so many followers waiting for their hosts' next words and recommendations, should such loyalty be indicative of their (the hosts') expertise in any given matter? How did we become so reliant on talk shows to help us solve our problems?

Johnny

Rita's most recent blog entry inspired this. Besides, he's too irresistable to not show off!

My obstetrician's delivery bill: $1700

39 months-worth of diapers: thousands

The little boy that's been locked up inside finally coming out to greet the world: Priceless!

Lullaby

As Hurricane Gustav pounds New Orleans and the surrounding area and the political scene gains momentum with more mudslinging and dirty laundry, I am reminded of a song by Loreena McKennitt that blends the sweetness of a child's lullaby with the stormy words of William Blake as narrated by Douglas Campbell. It seems appropriate for the moment.

At this time, Gustav not only pounds the Gulf Coast, but also pounds against my head in the form of high barometric pressure (I'm a human barometer down here), bringing me painful sinus pressure and the early signs of a migraine. Tonight, I'm more inclined to rest than to work. Since I'm not able to transfer the video to this entry, I've at least supplied the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xBLYMSgxCE

Finishing What You've Started

One of my worst habits is beginning a project and failing to complete it. I become distracted by other tasks that call for my attention then I forget about what I was doing before. In my spare room, I have two or three projects that sit unfinished and collecting dust. I have my genealogy research project that is an ongoing labor of love and will take years before it is ever completed. I have also been compiling family photos, which compliment my family research. The third project was initially begun as a way to entertain my friends via internet but started to take on a life of its own. It is a ghost story which now languishes in purgatory like a real spirit in a little cubby at my computer desk. I currently have about nine pages of text, but it would be much longer than that by now had I kept up with it. Being my first attempt at story writing, there's much room for improvement, but my intended audience was pleased with my work all the same. I was in the middle of the story when I learned that we would be moving to Texas. I had to drop the story and focus on preparations for the move. I've never gotten around to returning to my tale. I admit that I was having fun doing the third project; I love to write fiction, and ghosts are my favorite subject matter. I keep telling myself that I need to finish what I've started, but I always find other things that need attention: dishes and laundry needs washed, my son's school gear needs to be readied for another day, etc. My distractions are many. Of course, I'm also a classic procrastinator and always have been, so that trait doesn't help any. Perhaps like this blog, I need to make myself get into the habit of spending a short amount of time on it each night.

All of us have some sort of unfinished pet projects sitting around. What's your unfinished project, and why does it remain unfinished?

The Invisible Hand

I've had a handful of odd experiences in my life that, to some extent, defy reason. One event that has stayed with me through the years occurred 20 years ago during a stay with the family of a childhood friend.

It was the summer of 1988 and I had just finished my first year of college in Columbia, SC. At that time, home was in a quiet suburb of Dayton, OH. I was happy to be back, having not adjusted well to being so far away during my first year of school; I was preparing to attend a different school that was much closer and within my home state. Shortly after I returned home, I reconnected with my friend, Lisa. Her mother had remarried while I was gone and her new husband was moving the family to southern Michigan. His father had died a short time before and left his house and land to his son. Lisa's new stepfather had two sons from a previous marriage and now he was becoming a father to Lisa's two younger sisters, Angie and Roxy. Lisa was married and the mother of two sons at this time. By the time I had returned, Lisa's mother, Mary, and sisters had already moved to Michigan, and Lisa wanted to drive up there to see her family. I was invited to come along for the ride, as her family knew me well.

When we arrived at the house, Lisa's new stepbrothers were gone for the week, so I was given their room to sleep in. Lisa slept in the family room, and her sons stayed in the guest room where a play pen was set up for them to sleep in. Before we had turned in for our first night there, Mary's new husband told us that they believed the house to be haunted by his father. His father loved his home and they felt that he never moved on after the boating accident that took his life. I didn't think much of it at that time; I had never experienced a haunting before then.

The boys' room was a tiny, narrow space that could be better classified as a large closet. Due to its small size, the boys had bunk beds and a single upright dresser. The door to the cellar was located in this room, as well. A single window was positioned across from the cellar door. I took the bottom bunk and settled in for the night. I could hear the TV outside the doorway, as Lisa watched an old black and white horror B movie in the family room. As I lay on my back waiting for sleep to take over, I heard a distinct knocking coming from the cellar door. Everyone was already in bed, so I knew that no one was behind that door. The hand behind the knocking was clearly from an unknown and unseen force. Despite the realization that I wasn't quite alone in my room, I never felt threatened or uneasy. Somehow, I knew that no harm would come to me. The rapping was steady and solid; however, as I turned my head to the sound, the rapping would stop. I would turn my head back to its original position, facing up to the ceiling, and the rapping would resume. I repeated this motion several times, noticing a pattern of cause and effect between the position of my head and the rapping. I finally turned onto my side to sleep and the rapping ceased for the rest of the night.

In the morning, Lisa told me that she had seen a shadowy figure standing in the kitchen, which was directly off of the family room, separated by an extension of countertop. She described the shadow as human in form, but lacking any detail. At that time, I took her account with a grain of salt; I found her story hard to believe. In retrospect, though, her description is consistent with the theories regarding paranormal visitations. Theoretically, ghosts can manifest themselves in a variety of ways, one of them being as shadowy figures in human form, but without detail.

While some people may discount this experience due to the possibility of suggestion upon hearing that the house may be haunted and the fact that Lisa had the TV tuned to a horror film within my earshot, I know what I heard and experienced. I'm not into horror films, so I had no interest in viewing the film. Therefore, the dialogue that I heard held little meaning to me. Also, as I had not had any experiences with hauntings, much less entertained any interest in the paranormal at that time, prior to this trip, I had no reason to dwell on the matter.

I was visited one more time during that week, but after that, I had no further experiences. I have no idea what has transpired within those four walls since then. I've not had any contact with Lisa since I returned to school that fall. I would love to learn what has taken place since my stay there so many years ago.

Creature of Habit

Most of the time, I loathe routine; I require variety in most aspects of my life. I become bored too easily and when I become bored, I quickly lose interest. However, I have noticed that even though I prefer a more spontaneous lifestyle, I am a creature of habit. I have routines that I follow every morning and throughout the day. From the way I get ready in the morning to how I clean my home, I have set methods that I've subconsciously established - my actions are automatic, and if I try to stray from routine, I find that I'm not pleased with the end results. Yet, when I look at others, like my mother, whose life is very staid and predictable, I mentally shake my head and think, "What a boring life; I don't want to live that way! They aren't living their lives to their fullest." Realizing this contradiction, there are some questions that must be asked: How spontaneous am I really? Is my disdain for routine actually a symptom of some other desire that is not being fulfilled? What is it that I really need to feel content inside? I suspect many people feel this way - feeling the need for more excitement than they are receiving from their daily activities, yet finding themselves doing the same actions repeatedly without really thinking about what they're doing.

How well do we really know ourselves?

Daily Blessings

Today, I observed a fellow aide in another room working with her students. She doesn't teach them, rather, she assists them in their daily tasks. I will be subbing for her tomorrow, so it was important for me to understand what I was going to be doing.

Her students are identical twins who will never be able to walk, speak with ease, or live life unassisted. Their afflictions are many, so they must rely upon others to help them perform tasks that we often take for granted: using the bathroom, bathing, eating, dressing. While their minds are agile and they are clever and intelligent, their bodies just don't work the way they are supposed to. On the outside, they look like teenage boys; on the inside, they are as vulnerable as small children and require as much care as babies. Both boys supposedly possess the intellectual capacity of an 18-month old, yet they demonstrate repeatedly that they are more clever than that.

It is obvious that they have a wonderful network of people caring for them. The twins arrive to school properly dressed, with snacks and lunches, they know the meaning of love and offer it freely to the ladies who help teach them how to manage self-care skills. They readily give hugs and kisses, and they are quick to pull jokes on the staff. Their attitude towards life is so positive despite the lives they lead that it's hard not to see what a blessing they are to those of us who are able-bodied. Their positive outlook amid adversity should serve as a lesson to the rest of us that no matter what our problems are, the choice is ours as to whether we are happy or sad with our lots in life.

A Busy Mom's Wish List

Now that school is in session, free time is in short supply during the work week. The following would be my wish list to make life easier Monday through Friday:

1. A naturally dust-free house.

2. Laundry that washes itself.

3. A lawn that will only grow when I tell it to.

4. Cats that sift their own litter box and keep their litter IN the box!

5. A personal chef (yeah, right!)

6. A personal masseuse (I'm in the first phases of spinal degeneration and scoliosis - my back is often stiff and sore).

7. Free maid service once a week.

8. A bottomless gas tank.

9. More hours in a day.

10. More time to sleep.

Most of these wishes are just that - wishes - unrealistic though they may be. It never hurts to dream!

Vaccinations and Conflicts of Interest

Since my son's diagnosis last year, the possible damage done to him by the standard vaccine schedule weighs heavily on my mind. There are many theories about the cause(s) of autism and some of them involve the preservatives found in vaccines, as well as the vaccines themselves, as some children actually become sick with the very illness that a given vaccine was intended to guard against. Amid the raging debate exists a theory of conspiracy that questions the private interests of the pharmaceutical companies and our government. While I stop short of claiming to believe in the many theories floating about, their arguments give me reason to seriously question the wisdom of the current trend of giving multiple vaccinations to small children before their immune systems are mature enough to tolerate these injections and to wonder about the real motivation behind the push to vaccinate so heavily during infancy and childhood.

Today, I received an email from my mother-in-law that included some content that she received from the PROVE Newsletter regarding this matter. PROVE stands for Parents Requesting Open Vaccine Education. The newsletter discusses the various arguments surrounding the push for vaccines and the companies and individuals behind the pushing. In the newsletter, Barbara Loe Fisher writes: "When you connect the dots in a "Follow the Vaccine Money" exercise, you don't have to look very far to see who is paying who to promote unquestioning faith in the safety of vaccines and one- size-fits-all vaccine policies. It takes a lot of money for the drug companies and their allies to persuade parents that it is necessary to pump 69 doses of 16 vaccines into children from birth to age 18 to keep them healthy." While the quote that I just used comes from the newsletter, it originates from her blog, "Vaccine Awakening." The entry is entitled: "Voices For Hiding Vaccine Risks: Follow the $." If you want to read more, her blog site is: http://www.vaccineawakening.blogspot.com/.

According to recent investigations (if I understand correctly) by CBS News to determine a financial conflict of interest by drug companies and pro-vaccine organizations, the companies, organizations, and individuals they questioned refused to provide financial statements that could have vindicated them and supported their denial of financial interest in the push for vaccines. Although I understand that finances are private matters, these companies/people serve the populace; therefore, such affairs should be made available when their integrity is questioned. Their refusal to cooperate with the investigation makes me even more suspicious; if they are innocent of this conflict of interest, and fiscal records can prove their innocence, then why withhold this information?

These same people continue to try to convince parents that their children are in no danger, yet the various disorders that are occurring at increasing rates seem to coincide with the use of vaccines. They fail to understand that no one is disputing the importance of vaccination, rather the heavy use of them in early childhood. Those who do see a correlation between autism/ADHD/Asperger's Syndrome, etc. and vaccinations believe that an alternate schedule should be implemented that will still provide all of the necessary protection before children begin school, yet allows their immune systems time to mature enough to tolerate the multitude of shots given to them.

Only time (and more research) will tell the truth, but should there truly be a financial conflict of interest by those who claim to serve, I would not be surprised. While altruism is a noble act, when money enters the picture, motivations can change in a heartbeat.

Word Play

I've never been a big fan of games; I've always had trouble allowing myself to relax and just have fun. Whenever I'm at a party where games are being played, I am the one observing from a distance. When I do find myself in the mood to play around, I usually opt for those games that can be played alone, such as computer solitaire or NTN trivia at BW3 (which I haven't played in a long time - I'm just too busy these days). However, there is one computer game that I particularly enjoy playing at home and it gives my brain a greater workout than solitaire: Word Whomp at http://www.pogo.com. While you can subscribe to this site, they also allow you to play for free. You just need to be willing to put up with the 30 second intermissions between game sets. If you subscribe, the intermissions are omitted and you can play one game after another uninterrupted. Word Whomp is a game that tests your vocabulary. It's sort of like Wheel of Fortune and Scrabble blended together for the lack of a better definition. Although I do have a decent vocabulary, this game has introduced me to words that I never knew existed - only because I've either never heard them used by another person or I've never seen the words used in text. The hard part of the game is trying to figure out what words the game wants you to form and to accomplish it in a matter of a few minutes. If you have kids, I think that this is a good game to get kids hooked on to help with their spelling and vocabulary.

"I Am Not A Pin Cushion!"

My cat, Salem, is an odd creature, defying some of the typical habits associated with cats. Cats are largely carnivores, yet this finicky feline doesn't like meat or dairy (with the exception of a little milk). She would rather starve than to eat canned cat food, preferring dry kibble. However, her one habit that drives me crazy is her kneading, a common activity that cats seem to enjoy. As she kneads my lap, she loves to extend her claws, causing them to puncture through my blankets. She's drawn blood on numerous occasions. I can't tell you how many times I've screamed, "I am not a pin cushion!," as she extends her hind claws into my thighs.

While she's an odd girl, she is the quintessential black cat that blends into the darkness, sending you crashing to the floor as she trips you the moment you cross her path! She's a true Halloween cat - trick or treat!

Looking Forward to Autumn

Every year, the beginning of school makes me think of the fun activities that await me over the next few months. From school football games, to gatherings, to festivals, the fall season is filled with anticipation. From October through December, I'm anxious to be out and about. The cooler weather that fall brings is largely to blame. While others are lured outside by a warm sun, overcast skies and chilly temperatures beckon me from indoors. I've always been a cold-weather person; I prefer to bundle up from the cold than to roast from the heat. However, my physical comfort is only part of my love for this season. This season pleasantly assaults my senses and never fails to bring a smile to my face.

There are so many aspects about this time of the year that I love: The days become cooler, the leaves begin to change from green to the vivid hues of red, yellow, and orange, and aromas of pumpkin pie, spices, homemade apple butter, and hot cider begin to fill the air. I love to walk through thick layers of fallen leaves and hear them rustle under my feet as I make them fly in every direction. I also love those chilly, windy days that make hot mugs of cider and chocolate a special treat. I love to wake up in the morning to see frost cover everything outside. The grass glistens, all is quiet, and everything is right with the world. As the cold air seeps into the house, I can begin to snuggle under those thick comforters that invite sleep to come more easily, while the glow from candles makes the house feel cozy.

In Ohio, one of the biggest events I looked forward to was the Circleville Pumpkin Show, held in Circleville, Ohio. After eating my fill of foods made with pumpkin and browsing the many craft tents, I would return home late at night happy and ready for bed (By the way, pumpkin pizza is really good, it's worth a taste!). Last year, my family moved before I could attend the show and I truly missed this annual treat. While Texas also has a lot going on, I was too busy trying to get us settled into our new home to enjoy the season. This year, now that we're settled, I plan to take a closer look at what my new home state has to offer.

The Sweet Life

I'm not talking about a life of leisure, rather the world of confections. Upon arriving home a short time ago, I let my son play freely while I went to check my emails. When I walked into the kitchen, where my son was enjoying himself, I discovered him standing on a bar stool that he had pushed against the dishwasher. Above the dishwasher is our microwave, and atop that appliance was a small wicker basket containing a dozen or so peppermint candy canes. He had helped himself to the candy, managed to unwrap one cane, and presented me with a mouth covered in red coloring and the cane positioned horizontally in his mouth. My son is quickly developing a sweet tooth to rival mine, but like me, he must watch how much and what he eats.

On the kitchen table sits a gift bag that I received on my first day at school, and among the goodies were some small snack packs of various treats. I had chosen to eat a packet of peanut M&Ms at my desk and I began to think about the joys that lie within the confections we enjoy. Some people prefer hard candies, while others prefer candy that doesn't possess a lot of sweetness to it. Regardless of what a person prefers, our treats can become special occasions in miniature, wrapped in bits of cellophane. While those little pleasures slowly diminish in our mouths, we can always relive the moment by having another piece. Our favorite sweets lift our spirits when we're down or stressed, help make a special moment even more special, give us something to share with another person, and serve as a self-reward for a day's work. However, a person can have too much of a good thing, and it's important to not go overboard when indulging. By limiting your intake, you can continue to enjoy over the years without tiring of the pleasure.

My own weaknesses involve ice cream (as long as it's not vanilla - too boring and bland for me) and anything chocolate. Belgian chocolate is my favorite! I also adore cinnamon candies, Reese's cups, peanut M&Ms, and Ferrer Rocher hazelnut/chocolate balls. I would also savor a slice of Black Forest torte or a bowl of cherry cobbler with plenty of topping. A chocolate lava cake would be the perfect end to any meal, and pumpkin pie is a requirement during the holidays.

If I were to host a dessert buffet consisting of my favorite sweets to share with others, not only would I include the above-mentioned goodies, but I would also have baklava (another food that I would never refuse), Turkish delights, chocolate cream pie, sweet potato pie, and Tex-Mex sopaipillas with chocolate sauce for dipping.

If you could have a dessert buffet and choose your favorite confections and desserts for the spread, what delights would you choose for your table?

Getting Left Behind

This entire week is an in-service week for faculty and staff in preparation for the first day of school on Monday. Today, I sat through a day-long seminar on at-risk kids, what signs to look for, and how to intervene to make sure that those kids don't fall through the cracks. While some faculty were bored (probably from attending yet another year of this state-mandated seminar), I found it interesting. I learned much more than I thought I would learn. This seminar was not my first choice, as I was looking forward to a writing academy that my partner was assigned to do; however, she suggested that I attend this class to improve my understanding of the students that I would be working with, and I'm glad I took her suggestion.


Upon walking into the auditorium, we were handed a packet and a book entitled, "Under-Resourced Learners: 8 strategies to boost student achievement," by Ruby K. Payne, Ph. D. In this book, Payne identifies the various strategies that not only enhance a teacher's effectiveness when interacting with his students, but also help identify the warning signs that an at-risk student will project in school. Too many kids get left behind because we teachers either forget what it was really like as a kid, are in denial that anything horrific could be going on in a student's life, or we are too busy trying to teach and manage all of the other duties that go along with it to really pay attention to the more subtle signals a student may give us. The experiences a student has outside the classroom can have a direct impact on that student's academic performance. The usual teen angst is bad enough, but for those dealing with unidentified learning problems, abuse, or even socioeconomic hardships, the ability to learn becomes a greater struggle.

It amazed me that despite my short amount of experience in the classroom, I could relate to much of what was being discussed. I could also relate on a personal level, having had my own set of problems throughout my primary and secondary education. Thankfully, I had several teachers who truly cared about me, picked up on my signals, and intervened in one form or another. As I only received this book today, I haven't had a chance to really read through it, but I can tell that this book is a good one for teachers to have. I look forward to applying what I've learned when we begin working with our students, as all of the students whom I will be dealing with are already identified as at-risk kids.

Dazed and Confused

This is the first time in over 2 years that I've worked full-time. Now that I've returned to this status, I'm finding that readjusting to 8-hour work days has left me in a mental haze. While I look forward to my new work, I wonder how well I'll adjust to these hours. I've never been an early riser by nature; my natural clock insists on 8 or 9:00 a.m. for a waking time and about 11:00 p.m. for bedtime. I typically do not feel fully awake until 10 a.m. regardless of what time I wake up; I often feel addled and in a haze in the morning hours.

I find it interesting how different people are when it comes to their internal clocks. Most of my family members are early risers, with the exception of my uncle, who has medical reasons partly to blame for his sleep habits. How I wound up with an internal clock that prefers a time frame out of sync with the rest of the world is anyone's guess. I've had people tell me that after a while, a person adjusts and waking at a certain time is no longer a problem; however, the last time I worked day hours, I never had an easy time of waking early for the entire 7 years that I worked for my employer. My body never adjusted. Now, I must wake even earlier than I did previously, as the school day begins at 7 a.m. By 1 p.m., I find myself ready for a long nap, feeling Mr. Sandman's efforts to close my eyelids as I'm standing. Even as I type this entry, my brain is already turning to mush from the day's activities and is ready to turn in before everything is done.

With a completely new schedule, I'm interested to see how well I hold up and for how long.

A New Path

Today was the first day at my new position as a teacher's aide, and I finally got to meet the teacher whom I am partnered with and felt at ease with my new colleague. This week consists of in-service training for all teachers and staff before we welcome back returning students and greet incoming freshmen for another year of learning.

During the opening statements by district officials and our high school principal, it became clear that I have entered into something very special. Our district is recognized by the state for an exemplary rating, and to my knowledge, we are the only district with that distinction in the state. Our school district's proficiency exam scores demonstrated the quality of the teaching staff and the lengths this school system is willing to go to to ensure the greatest chance of success for the students in our care. Except for one subject at the 11th grade level, the proficiency exams for the 8th and 11th grades increased from last year's scores and our district exceeded state and national score standards in 2 or 3 areas. Additionally, this school district continues to thrive, with 2 campuses and a transportation garage currently under construction and slated for use by the next school year. Two other structures are in the works for agricultural science and swimming, as well. All of this is necessary due to the burgeoning student body that continues to grow annually. Many parents in our vicinity are moving into this district just to get their children into our schools.

With everything that I've learned about this school system, I'm glad that my family is in this district. I know that I will be working beside highly qualified educators who truly care about the success of their students, and I know that my son will be receiving a good education. I hope that when I do become certified to teach, that I can remain with my school and serve its students in a capacity greater than I can currently provide. I'm glad I chose this path - I'm finally heading in the right direction.

A New Lesson in Baking

One of the most perplexing aspects of a gluten-free, dairy-free diet is how to create baked goods without them tasting absolutely terrible. I've always loved to bake, and have always been very good at it. I grew up enjoying the many concoctions that were created using either regular all-purpose flour or Bisquick/Jiffy. When it came to strawberry shortcake, only Bisquick would do. One of my weaknesses was eating the shortcake dough before it ever made it into the baking pan! It had that subtle sweetness that appealed to my tastebuds. Now, I must reserve that kind of baking for myself or when baking for some sort of occasion outside the home. For family baking, I must use the multitude of flours that I now have at my disposal, such as: teff, quinoa, white sweet sorghum, white rice, brown rice, tapioca, buckwheat, and garbanzo bean flours - none of which can be used on their own. Their individual properties must be blended with 2 or 3 other flours to produce the proper effect in a given recipe. Since these flours contain no gluten, I also have to replace the protein with something else. Guar gum is an option but is expensive. Xanthan gum performs equally well and costs less, so that is what I use. A person can pre-mix these flours for specific purposes ahead of time, but that requires additional space for more storage containers, which I don't have. Bob's Red Mill already has some flour mixes for all-purpose and biscuits. I've yet to muster up the courage to delve into the world of gluten-free baking using my other flours individually.

Baking, regardless of your dietary concerns, is a virtual chemistry lab. In order for all of the ingredients to work together to make something delicious, you must have just the right amount of each ingredient or the finished product simply will not turn out. Unlike cooking on the stovetop, there's much less flexibility in baking when mixing in the key ingredients.

Today, I made an attempt at making wheat-free shortbread from scratch, as I have 6 1/2 pounds of prepared strawberries ready for devouring in the form of strawberry shortcake. I used a recipe from Bob's Red Mill and I followed it until I screwed up and poured in all of the wet ingredients rather than just pouring until the flour was just moist. I compensated with a bit more flour, added some extra sugar, kneaded until I thought the dough consistency was to my liking, and placed it in a cake pan rather than rolling and cutting, as the directions suggested. The dough tasted terrible! However, I decided to chance it and bake it anyway. To my amazement, the finished product tasted far better than it did in dough form. Perhaps this should be a lesson to me to not give up so easily on my efforts. If you'd like to try your hand at this, here's the recipe:

Bob's Red Mill Wheat-free Shortbread

INGREDIENTS:
2-1/2 cups Wheat Free Biscuit & Baking Mix
2 Tb Sugar
1/2 cup Butter or (1/4 cup Vegetable Oil)
1/2 cup Milk or Water
1 Egg, slightly beaten

Preheat oven to 375°F. Lightly grease a cookie sheet, set aside.In a mixing bowl, combine mix and sugar. In another bowl blend melted butter (or oil if using), water and egg. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients until just moistened. Knead 10 times on lightly floured work surface; roll out to 3/4” thickness. Cut dough with floured cutter. Place shortcakes on prepared cookie sheet and bake for about 20 minutes, until golden brown. Add your favorite fruit and whipped topping

Decisions, Decisions

This is a rare weekend for me. I had my son for roughly 24 hours since Friday afternoon, and as of 5:20pm today, he is now back with his grandmother until Monday morning, when she'll drop him off at daycare while I go to my first day of work for the school year. At that point, I'll pick him up in the late afternoon. Till then, I have the house to myself, along with peace and quiet.

One would think that I would have plans for this rare free time, but I don't. I can think of several activities that I can do with my time, which is where my conundrum takes place: I do have a gift card to the Olive Garden that I could use, but I would like to save it for a rainy day, when I REALLY need to get out of the house. Staying home to read a book cover-to-cover is also appealing, as such an opportunity rarely arises. Often, by the day's end, I'm too exhausted to do much but let my brain veg in front of the TV. Besides, my mind is not quiet enough to focus on a book at this time - or I've simply forgotten how to quiet my mind so I can focus on a good book. I could put away the washed laundry that I hung to dry a few days ago. A good movie on DVD is another option. I could also chat on my favorite message board to reconnect with friends whom I seldom get to chat with these days. I'm currently in the middle of reorganizing my photo albums, trying to fit in four or five additional packets of photos with the space I have left. I have an old photo album that needs to be replaced before the acid in the pages damages my old photos, so a new album is needed to replace it. I could also do some baking - baking gluten-free is a learning process, as well as a lesson in chemistry where ingredients are concerned, and I still have trouble getting decent results when baking from scratch.

Decisions, decisions! Whatever I wind up doing, I just want to savor the calm and quiet within these four walls.

Ubi Caritas

Last night, I posted a small list of music that is special to me. Among them is a work called, "Ubi Caritas." The lyrics speak of love, charity, and peace, concepts that seem in short supply in many parts of the world at present. With the war still going on in Iraq and now the struggles between Georgia and Russia, the words of "Ubi Caritas" take on greater importance to me. I decided to pass on the words of this song, as not everyone will be familiar with it, along with a bit of its history (per Wikipedia):

Latin text:

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Congregavit nos in unum Christi amor.
Exultemus, et in ipso iucundemur.
Timeamus, et amemus Deum vivum.
Et ex corde diligamus nos sincero.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Simul ergo cum in unum congregamur:
Ne nos mente dividamur, caveamus.
Cessent iurgia maligna, cessent lites.
Et in medio nostri sit Christus Deus.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Simul quoque cum beatis videamus,
Glorianter vultum tuum, Christe Deus:
Gaudium quod est immensum, atque probum,
Saecula per infinita saeculorum. Amen

English translation:

Where charity and love are, God is there.
Christ's love has gathered us into one.
Let us rejoice and be pleased in Him.
Let us fear, and let us love the living God.
And may we love each other with a sincere heart.

Where charity and love are, God is there.
As we are gathered into one body,
Beware, lest we be divided in mind.
Let evil impulses stop, let controversy cease,
And may Christ our God be in our midst.

Where charity and love are, God is there.
And may we with the saints also,
See Thy face in glory, O Christ our God:
The joy that is immense and good,
Unto the ages through infinite ages. Amen.

"Ubi Caritas" are the opening words to a Roman Catholic hymn and is usually sung during the Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. The traditional music is believed to have come about sometime between the fourth and tenth centuries. The rendition that I have on my list is sung by Connie Dover; her version of the song is beautiful with an almost hypnotic rhythm to it. Even if you're not very religious (or not at all), I hope the message of love, charity, and peace makes this song worth taking to heart.

Music of the Soul

I enjoy music in general, but the genre that really speaks to me is Celtic music. The majority of my CD collection is comprised of this genre, with a bit of classical, medieval, rock, religious, and holiday music to round it out. There's something about the sounds of pipes, flute, whistle, harp, fiddle, and bodhran that take me to another place in time more than other forms of music. Regardless of which songs I choose to listen to, there are a select few that speak to me more than others. This list isn't complete, as I'm sure there are some pieces that I've forgotten; it's been a while since I've listened to some of my CDs. So, here's a taste of what speaks to my soul:

1. Planxty Burke - Turlough O'Carolan, Irish harper, poet, & composer, 1670-1738

2. The Dark Island - traditional Scottish, instrumental version

3. Lullaby - music by Loreena McKennitt, poem by William Blake

4. Ubi Caritas - Connie Dover

"Ubi Caritas" are the first words of a Roman Catholic hymn dating back to between the fourth and tenth centuries.

5. Wild Geese (Gye Fiane) - John & William Neal collection, circa 1724, performed by The Baltimore Consort on the CD, "The Mad Buckgoat."

"Wild Geese" is a tune from the Neal collection and was composed in farewell to the Jacobite army leaving Ireland after the capitulation of Limerick in 1691.

"The Wild Geese are a group of soldiers from Limerick. They have fought throughout the ages; some soldiers even came and fought in the American Civil War. There is a squadron of soldiers that exits even today,"

6. Snow - Loreena McKennitt

7. Requiem - "Dies Irae" is based upon the 13th century plainchant attributed to Thomas of Celano

8. Marco Polo - Loreena McKennitt

Daydreams and a Restless Spirit

Throughout my life, I've always felt torn in two, between wanting a life of predictability and yearning for adventure in far-off places. I LOVE to travel, but I know that I can't do that as I'd like. I see people, like my mother, who prefer a staid lifestyle and wish that I could be equally content to stay in one place and live a quiet, simple life. However, my spirit is too restless to be able to sit still for too long. I quickly become bored with the daily grind, and I feel an incredible pull to go somewhere, anywhere, to see something new, experience new sights, sounds, and smells and meet people who live differently from me. I would love to go somewhere new every weekend to keep this urge tamed, but that is not always possible when I have responsibilities that take greater priority.

Amid this vacillating nature, I have one ace up my sleeve: a vivid imagination. As far back as I can remember, I would spend my free time daydreaming about another world, or dreaming about a life I would much rather prefer. It took me years to train myself to keep my tendency to daydream under control - when to focus my attention on the realities before me, and when to allow my mind to wander. In my adult life, I continue to use this ability, but it's no longer only to take me on trips. I've used it to resolve problems occurring in real life by mentally going over various scenarios and judging which solution was most possible. I've also used this skill to release anger and frustration.

Where this ability came from is beyond me. I can recall being in my youth bed at age 2 or 3 and daydreaming the afternoon away. I've often joked that I was born without an off switch for my brain, so perhaps this daydreaming is a way of expelling excess mental energy. I can be a very creative person, so perhaps this is an extension of my creative nature. Who knows? However, as much as this ability is an intrinsic part of me, it can get in the way. If something is bothering me, I cannot focus on much else until that thorn is removed and all is resolved; my mind must work it out before I can move on. For good or bad, my daydreams and I are inextricably linked, and the restless spirit that writhes inside of me must be content with this sole outlet.

My own list

In response to Rita's question, "What's On Your List?," I had to think long and hard about what items that ensure a good day or improve a bad one. At first, I had trouble thinking beyond one or two items, but as the morning progressed, I realized that there were other things that I had never really thought about, yet those things have brought me peace of mind when I'm down or stressed out. So here's my own list:

1. My Gemeinhardt flute. I've been playing for 28 years and in retrospect, I've realized that this instrument, with it's sweet sound, has always calmed me on hectic days in the past. Thankfully, I'm getting to play for others again in church, as our choir director wishes to use me and one other player more frequently, and as I've picked up my flute again, I'm rediscovering that calming effect. One piece that she has planned for us as a duet is Pachelbel's Canon in D - one of my favorite classical pieces!

2. Ferrero Rocher hazelnut/chocolate balls. Not only do I love the aroma of hazelnut and chocolate, I also love the contrast of creamy and crunchy, which this confection provides. I try to keep a small supply (I'm currently out) handy for a small indulgence at the end of the day and I try to limit myself to 3 pieces a night, but there are moments when I've discovered that I've devoured the whole package!

3. Music by Loreena McKennitt. Her music has always calmed me when I'm going through a particularly down time and when it's time to sleep. Her music often has a Celtic flavor to it, but some of her more recent music possesses a more Middle Eastern feel. Much of her work is inspired by her own life and travels and through poetry. She's set to music poetry by the likes of W. B. Yeats, Alfred Noyes, Dante Alighieri, William Blake, and Padraic Collum. One of my favorite songs from her original arrangements is "The Mummer's Dance."

4. Bath products by Bath & Body Works. My favorite is Sandalwood/Rose, but they have recently discontinued my favorite scent. I've seen it online, but it can no longer be purchased in the stores. Another favorite scent that they still have is Moonlight Path. I used to purchase their products on a regular basis, but now must reserve such purchases for special treats.

5. My Jane Austen DVDs. Watching the film versions of her works takes me to a simpler(?) time and place. I've always been partial to "Pride and Prejudice," but I also love "Persuasion."

6. Edy's/Dreyer's or Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I love ice cream despite the fact that it adds pounds and inches where you don't want them. I've always had an issue with dairy products, but I refuse to give up this creamy delight! I'm willing to endure the minor gastric discomfort for this pleasure-inducing comfort food.

7. Playing handbells. Over ten years ago, I got into playing handbells and handchimes. A lot of concentration and wrist work is involved and there have been times when I've actually awakened the next morning with sore wrists from playing. With the various techniques used in playing, I find myself relieved of stress by the end of rehearsal.

8. Safety 1st devices. My son has become a veritable human monkey! He has quickly figured out how to climb his way to shelves and cabinets that were once well out of his reach. He's figured out how to open the refrigerator door and then not close it. He discovered the joy of dumping sorghum flour all over the kitchen floor the other day. Safety 1st makes a variety of devices to keep unwary children safe and to save the sanity of many parents. Believe me, these devices truly can make the difference between a good and bad day!

9. "The Synonym Finder" by J. I. Rodale. This tome of a book has been a godsend for my writing! This book puts a standard dictionary to shame! I love to write even though words don't always come so easily. I express myself better in writing than I do verbally, and as a result, writing is therapeutic for me; it helps me get my thoughts and feelings out before they burst inside me. This book helps me out when I want to add variety to my vocabulary and prevent the overuse of selected words in my text.

Charity begins at home

Recently, a family moved out of a rental home just down the road from me. Placed against the porch was a huge bin with perfectly good clothing and other items in it. Whenever I see sights like this, it makes me sad to think that all this family had to do was to donate these items to charity.

I've always found it wasteful to just throw items away simply because I don't want them anymore. Perhaps I get this from my grandparents and mother, who tend to keep stuff whether they need it or not (I come from a family of pack-rats). When I do discard belongings I no longer want or need, it's because they cannot be repaired, rendering them useless to anyone who may want them. For certain items, I will seek out ways to recycle first before adding to the garbage bin. If I have things that can be of use to other people, I am willing to make the trip to a second-hand store or to pass along my things to a charitable organization. Upon my move to Texas, I donated my son's crib, baby swing, 3 large garbage bags of summer and winter clothing, and a few other smaller items to my former church. They assist homeless families, who have been provided a temporary home, to reestablish themselves and these families are given furniture, clothing, and anything else required to make a house a home. These items are theirs to keep and take with them once they acquire a permanent residence. Currently, I donate clothing that my son outgrows to a special cause that clothes children who have been taken from abusive/dangerous homes. Many of these children enter the foster care system with nothing but the clothes on their backs and many don't have shoes or other necessities. This organization accepts clothing, toys, baby furniture - anything that is needed to care for these children.

So the next time you are purging your excess and unwanted household items, if they can be of use to others, pack them up and give them to charity. What goes around, comes around.

Swimming lessons

During my son's swimming lesson today, the thought crossed my mind that life is a lot like swimming:

When times get too tough to endure, some of us go off the deep end.

Sometimes, we have to struggle to keep our heads above the water.

When you're trying to keep a bad situation from becoming worse, you must tread water.

When life is going great and then all of a sudden some aspect of life becomes a disaster, we take a nose dive.

When you experience a huge, unexpected expense that completely turns your finances on its ear and you can't recover from it, you drown.

Life is like water, we either stay afloat, tread water, or drown in the events that Life throws at us, but at least we have the choice as to how well we handle the fate we're given.

May you rest in peace, Uncle Charles

This evening, I received a call from my mother that my great-uncle Charles passed away this morning in Medina, Ohio. He lived to be 96, just missing his 97th birthday by a few months. He was born Charles Everett Winkelmann on October 31, 1911 in West Alexandria, Ohio and was the first of twelve children, two of whom died in infancy. Only this evening, upon hearing of his passing, did I learn that he had been diagnosed with cancer of some sort several months ago. His daughters never told the rest of the family. Uncle Charles was the patriarch of our extended family and was much loved by everyone. He has always been a personal favorite of mine; I always looked forward to seeing him at our family reunions every August. He was always kind, gentle, and happy. Our next family reunion is next Sunday, but as I live a 1000 miles away, I won't be able to attend or pay my respects to a much-loved uncle.

In his long life, he endured plenty of loss: his parents, two wives and a close companion, and six siblings, but he never lost his faith in God. He never forgot where he came from. He leaves behind three daughters, three grandchildren, and 2-3 great-grandchildren. He now passes the torch to my grandfather as the eldest member of our family, who is now 88 years old. So, Uncle Charles, a Celtic blessing for you:

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face.

May the rain fall soft upon your fields,

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Go mbeannai Dia duit (May God Bless You).

The cute factor

Many parents are guilty of dressing their little ones to look as cute as a child could possibly be, and I'm among them. However, how much of our actions are really reflections of our own personality being projected onto our children? When parents make the choice between a simple stripped shirt and a t-shirt that has some witty comment on it, and opts for the witty comment, does that comment really reflect the parent making the purchase or the child? While much of my son's wardrobe consists of basic clothing, he also has stowed away in his dresser and closet shirts with smart remarks or cutesy pictures of Winnie the Pooh, Curious George, and Bob the Builder. But when it comes to the messages on his shirts, the messages are ones that attracted me to buy them, because I thought they were funny and fit my son's personality; however, if my son were to be the one to make that decision, would he have felt the same? In his room, one can find the following statements: "Happiness is a cookie in both hands," "Don't blame me, it was broken already," "Part Irish, All trouble," "Prince Charming," "Mom knows a lot but...Grandma knows it all!," "15% Dirt, 30% Bruises & Cuts, 25% Bumps, 30% Boo-Boos, 100% Boy." While I may think these statements are true, and think that having my son wear these statements on his chest is adorable, do they really reflect my child?

Distance makes the heart grow fonder - or does it?

Many have heard the old adage that distance makes the heart grow fonder, and for some people, this may be true, but for others, distance only serves to create a chasm between two people. My husband and I work well as a team, but I've noticed over the summer that we have gradually been going our separate ways - our interests taking us in different directions. I want to teach English and finally return to graduate school to get my Master of Arts degree. He loves life on the open road, driving a big rig, and hoping that I will eventually join him as a partner. While I love to travel, the life of a trucker is not for me. My tastes and interests are more refined, while his are more base and raw. During the few occasions when he's home, I've been embarrassed by him in public due to his inappropriate behavior, which has become more telling since he's become a truck driver. When I'm taking care of the house and errands, he's doing maintenance on the computer. The activities I would like to do together don't interest him and vice versa. In conversation, his thoughts are largely on trucking, while I crave more intellectual discussion involving subjects of which he knows little to nothing about, rendering him incapable of participating.


The most worrying aspect of these thoughts is that we recently made our marriage official. We've been together 4 years and functioned as a husband and wife the whole time, but only now have made it legal. And the only impetus for finally marrying was so he could put me on his health insurance. I wonder about how long our marriage will last if we continue going in separate directions. I'm sure many words have been left unsaid by both of us, neither one wanting to acknowledge that anything's wrong and afraid to rock the boat. I know he's lonely on the road, yet loves his career at the same time, but what he needs, I'm not able to provide from home. I know that he's already had one close call with infidelity, but whether he's told me the whole story is hard to tell.


Although I do care for him and we work well together, I often wonder if marriage was the right thing to do. When all is quiet in the house and I've only my thoughts to occupy me, doubt fills me inside. His family is thrilled that we finally made the committment, but they are unaware of the strain that our relationship must overcome.

Church bloopers

On Wednesday evenings, I have rehearsal for chancel choir at church. This Sunday, we are installing a new pastor, so everyone is trying to make everything perfect for the occasion. The church bulletins are always ready to go by the time we have our rehearsals and during this past rehearsal, we discovered a typo on one page. Office staff had gone over the text several times, yet they still managed to miss this error. Thankfully, it was very minor, but there's always the potential for errors to reach comical and unforgetable proportions. The typo reminded me of some favorite church bloopers that have circulated on the internet, and since it is Friday, I thought it would be nice to begin the weekend with a good laugh.

Never let it be said that the church doesn't have a sense of humor - even if it is accidental! The following bloopers give a whole new meaning to the importance of proofreading before you print. These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practise.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Beauty in Society

When I received my driver license in the mail (in Texas, your license is mailed to you), I groaned when I saw the photo of myself staring back at me. I've lost a good bit of weight since I moved here, so my face is now quite thin and I've slimmed down to my pre-baby size, but the photo that was on the card showed something completely different. I looked like a sunburned beached whale! The camera angle made my face look bloated (even though it really isn't), and the lighting made my face look flushed even though I have a nice tan now and was not burned at the time of the picture. I have always hated having my picture taken in the first place and such an experience only solidifies this dislike. I'm one of those unfortunate people who is not photogenic in any way; the camera simply doesn't like me. My looks are average, and I'm often told that I'm very pretty, but the images that the camera captures tell a much different (and inaccurate) story. I avoid having my picture taken as much as possible as a result. I know that inner beauty counts most, but if I'm going to see myself looking back at me, I'd like the mirror image to truly reflect the real person. Instead, I often find someone totally different looking back. Of the photos that have been taken of me as an adult, there are only two photographs that I am not embarrassed to show (if asked) and those were taken 10 and 15 years ago, respectively. The rest of the pictures can stay hidden in a photo album.

If I were to analyze this, I would have to ask myself: To what degree does society dictate our feelings about ourselves regarding outward appearance? In a world that idolizes a beautiful face and body and snubs those who do not meet the criteria, how far should a person go to appease society while still maintaining his/her integrity and still be able to feel comfortable with his/her body? Beauty is more than skin deep, but societal views emphasize the opposite through the media, which pervades everyday life and bombards us with images of what someone else feels should be considered ideal beauty. From the time we're babies, we witness how people react to others who look different from them, and from that exposure, we develop a our own sense of what is beautiful and what is ugly. Many feel pressured to conform to those ideals within themselves and for some, it comes at a high price. For those who are so comfortable with who they are that they just don't care and refuse to conform, they could be applauded for not succumbing to societal pressures, but what does the refusal to conform say about them in terms of their roles in society? To me, it seems to be human nature to conform to some degree in order to positively function in society. So when a person refuses to conform in terms of appearance (and even behavior), what is that person projecting to the world? What kind of life will such a person have if he/she refuses to at least conform to a small degree?

For myself, I try to at least look acceptable. I know that it is necessary if I'm going to obtain a good job, a promising career, make friends, etc. I'm no model, nor will I ever be, but I do know how to make myself presentable and project a positive image when I see fit or when the occasion absolutely calls for it. Otherwise, I'm content to be completely myself...I just wish photographers would take greater care in the angles they use when they photograph me!

Like mother, like daughter

This is a 3-generation photo of my grandmother, mother, and myself in
November 1969. I was 5 months old then.

The bond between a mother and daughter should be something precious, but in many families, that bond is weak. I will be 40 next year and as I look back on my life, it becomes apparent how alike I am to my own mother, and how much alike she is to her mother, my grandmother.

Many of us go through childhood with hopes and dreams that only youth can conjure, but as life delivers its hardships, joys, and tears, some of those hopes and dreams are dashed, while others live on in our hearts but are never realized. My own grandmother had such hopes for herself and possibly expected my grandfather to give her more than he could deliver. For the longest time, I have seen my grandparents gradually grow more distant from each other, with my grandfather relegated to the kitchen, while my eldest aunt and grandmother reside in the living room. Two years ago, my grandmother lost her last living sister to heart problems and Alzheimers, and since then, she has quickly gone downhill and now stays in a hospital bed in the living room refusing to walk and essentially waiting to die. She only wants to be with her parents and sisters, rather than to stay around to watch her great-grandchildren grow up or stay with her husband; she no longer embraces life. She doesn't realize how valued she is by her family, nor does she realize her own self-worth. She doesn't communicate with grandpa much anymore, certain that he doesn't really care about her or love her and refuses to let anyone convince her otherwise. When she gets upset at someone, she's quick to give her classic silent treatment than can last some time.

I find that my own mother is beginning to follow in grandma's footsteps. For her, the glass is half-empty, not half-full. She's convinced that everyone is right and she's always wrong. Her look on life is full of negativity, failing to realize that she is the one in control of her own future and that she needs to stop hanging on to real or imagined slights and other negative experiences. Granted, letting go of these feelings is not easy when you've carried them for so long; I'm guilty of hanging on to a few bad events in my life, but I don't allow them to control me. Like my grandmother, she is not happy with her lot in life, yet she refuses to go out and make the desired changes happen. She doesn't recognize her own self-worth or value, and she goes through her days unhappy and finding fault with anything and anyone who gives her cause for grief. For all of this, my relationship with my mother has become strained. While I do love my mother and do my best to be a good daughter, I often find myself at the receiving end of her grousing. Even when I'm not the source of her grief, she feels it necessary to carry on a dialogue of negative thinking. When I try to instill positive thoughts in her, she shoots them down with more negative comments.

For myself, while I do tend to give the silent treatment when I'm upset at someone (like my grandmother), and feel like I've been handed a few too many lemons in life (like my mother), unlike them, I try to make lemonade, continually hoping that the next horizon will bring something better my way. I try to steer clear of negative people for my own benefit, so it's no surprise that I don't talk with my mother as much as I should. Also unlike them, I'm forever hopeful that my dreams will come to fruition somehow, someway. I refuse to delve too deeply into the realm of negativity, for once you begin to go down, it becomes increasingly difficult to bring yourself back up to the surface, where the sun is shining.

I can only hope and pray that I have broken that chain of thought that has pervaded the minds of my grandmother and mother. Life will always hand you lemons, so the best that anyone can do is to keep hoping for something better tomorrow.

A meal-in-one

One of the challenges I face when feeding my son is to keep his meals interesting in terms of taste and texture, while keeping the nutritional value relatively high. Also, I've noticed that he's becoming more finicky as time goes on and I'm hoping that it's just his way of exerting his independence. Overall, my son isn't a picky eater and will eat a wide variety of foods (thankfully!), but how those foods are presented can make the difference between him eating his meal and turning his nose to it.

So far, he has some particular favorites that seem to survive his changes in appetite. One is a meal of scrambled eggs, sausage patties (perhaps with a bit of syrup), hashbrown patty, and cherry tomatoes with Dari-free milk and juice to wash it down. Another is a sort of stove-top casserole for the lack of a better description. What's nice about it is that it so versatile, it makes a lot so that you can end up with a few days' worth of lunch for work, it's healthy, and it has 4 major food groups: grain, meat, vegetable, and fruit. If you're looking for something easy to make, this would be it. Here's what you need:
1-2 cups of frozen vegetables (mixed veggies or perhaps a single vegetable-it's up to you)
1 pound ground meat (beef, turkey, or chicken work very well)
1 package of pasta (i.e. rotini, or some other small shape will work-we use rotini)
1 14.5oz can of diced tomatoes
1 26oz jar of tomato sauce (any kind)

Separately and at the same time, cook the pasta and ground meat, and steam the vegetables. The veggies and meat will be done first, so just keep them warm 'til the pasta is done. When the pasta is cooked, drain and return to the pot. Put in the meat and veggies, then add the diced tomatoes and tomato sauce. Stir everything together.

I add parmesan cheese to my servings, but since my son can't have dairy foods, he takes his without any cheese topping.

Tropical Storm Edouard

Plastered on the weather news is the fifth storm of the season, Tropical Storm Edouard. Technically, I'm in the Gulf Coast region, so this storm does affect me. Strangely, though, I feel no sense of trepidation over this event. Should Edouard's boundaries reach out to my area, it would be my first experience with a tropical storm/hurricane. The adventurous side of me is eagerly waiting to see what Edouard will bring our way, while the practical side of me understands that this should be taken seriously, and I should begin to prepare for the effects of the storm. Perhaps this is why I have yet to really begin the process of battening down the hatches. I haven't even begun to secure the deck furniture or the trash bin that sit outside. My son's yard toys need to be gathered. I also need to locate my oil lamps in the storage shed. At least we have back-up lighting, non-perishable food and water, and rope to secure the outdoor items ready to go.

UPDATE: Since I typed this, I have, indeed, begun to prepare for the worst scenario. We are under warning for possible tornadoes, flash flooding, high winds, and heavy rain and I live a mile or less from a major reservoir/lake. Everything that could become a missile in high winds has been secured into the shed, my son and cats are packed and ready to go should the need to evacuate arise, and I have my important papers ready, as well. I just need to get myself ready. Here's hoping that the storm won't be too serious. Also, I noticed as I was clearing the yard that I heard no birds singing and the cicadas weren't chirping. The air was more quiet than usual - I wonder....

Time for a good long laugh

People say that laughter is the best medicine, and I understand that there is research that supports the fact that laughter is healthy for you. Since I'm in need of a really good laugh, I thought I would share some funny pictures with you, and I found a nice selection to choose from. Some of them are a bit risque for younger viewers, but if you understand some of the suggestions in the pictures, chances are you're already old enough to view them anyway. If these aren't sufficient for a long laugh, please consult the following website for more giggles: http://www.comedy-zone.net/pictures/signs/signpost68.htm

Just another ordinary day - or is it?

On a whim, I wondered what, if any, important events took place on this day. Many of us go through life blissfully ensconced in our own little worlds while events of significance play out in other parts of the globe. After all, we have our own problems, right? Why do we need to have others' problems on our minds, too? Yet, despite that mentality, it seems to me that it is important to, at least, acknowledge world events, because down the road, some of these events will eventually affect us directly or indirectly. As I looked up the history of August 3rd, I was reminded of events that have happened in my own lifetime that I have completely forgotten, but when I read about them in relation to current events, it is amazing how little has changed in how humans get along - or can't get along, as the case may be.

Here's what I've found for the history of August 3rd:

1981 U.S.A. Air Traffic Controllers Strike 3rd August 1981 : 13,000 Air traffic controllers walked off the job today in hopes that the U.S. federal government would agree to their demands for better pay. President Ronald Reagan had warned them they would be fired if they went on strike and a short time later he did have them fired.

1914 World War I Declaration Of War 3rd August 1914 : Germany and France Declare war on the other signaling the beginning of the first World War

1923 U.S.A. Calvin Coolidge Sworn In As President 3rd August 1923 : Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as president of the United States after learning that President Warren Harding had collapsed and died while visiting California the day before. He was sworn in by his father, Colonel John C. Coolidge at his father's farmhouse in Plymouth, Vermont.

1940 England World War II 3rd August 1940 : British troops hammered the Germans with air raids which the former claimed as “a smashing success”. Supplies, harbours, and airplane hangers were targeted in over 100 German cities. The British hoped to smash the Nazi blitzkrieg at its source.However, in retaliation, German war planes retaliated by bombing north western England.

1957 Cuba Fidel Castro 3rd August 1957 : Rebel resistance and strikes were plaguing President Fulgenico Batista’s government in Cuba. Fidel Castro’s forces poured down from their secret mountain hide- out to fight with Batista’s troops. A news blackout was in effect. The revolutionary stronghold in Santiago De Cuba had armed men demand gas from a gas station and then set fire to it.

1958 North Pole Nautilus 3rd August 1958 : The US Nuclear Submarine Nautilus is the first undersea vessel to reach the Geographic North Pole.

1961 U.S.A. Arms Build Up During Cold War 3rd August 1961 : President John F. Kennedy got approval from Congress to spend $958 million to purchase missiles, planes, and war ships to bolster the American military.This arms build up was felt to be needed because of the communist threat to West Berlin and other areas. Kennedy got powers from Congress to call 250,000 reservists into active duty and to extend their tour of duty for one year.

1977 U.S.A. CIA and Mind Control 3rd August 1977 : As of today the CIA has spent a total of $25 million over 25 years started in 1950 to study mind control and brainwashing. Research was done by Dr. D. Ewen Cameron on sensory deprivation, isolation, and his own methods of “psychic driving”. He did these experiments at McGill University in Montreal. The psychiatric patients that Cameron used as subjects were damaged for life. The CIA also funded drug experiments on patients and staff at Memorial Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island. Brainwashing experiments were also done at Cornell University Medical Center and Dr. Carl Pfeiffer did LSD studies on federal inmates in Atlanta, and the Bordentown Reformatory in New Jersey from 1955-64.

1978 Lebanon Israel Bombs Southern Lebanon 3rd August 1978 : Israel retaliates after Palestinian terrorists bomb a Tel Aviv market by sending in bombers to a guerrilla base southern Lebanon.

1978 Canada Commonwealth Games 3rd August 1978 : The Queen opens the 11th Commonwealth Games in Edmonton, Canada.

1982 U.S.A. Sodomy Arrest 3rd August 1982 : Michael Hardwick is arrested for sodomy after a police officer observes him having sex with another man in his own bedroom in Georgia. In 1986, the Supreme Court handed down its decision in Bowers v. Hardwick, ruling by a 5-4 vote that states could continue to treat certain types of consensual sex as criminal acts.

1989 Soviet Union Flight 007 Case Settled 3rd August 1989 : Flight 007, a Korean Air Lines plane, shot down in Soviet territory six years ago killing all 269 passengers. After 6 years 137 family members won $50 million in damages. In court the jury deemed that the pilot was guilty of “wilful misconduct”.

1990 Great Britain Heat Wave 3rd August 1990 : Great Britain is in the grips of a heat wave and the highest recorded temperature in modern recorded history is recorded at Nailstone, Leicestershire of 37.1C, or 99F, .The 1990 the record is broken during the August heat wave of 2003 when a temperature 38.5C or 101.3F was recorded Brogdale, Kent.

2003 U.S.A. Anglican Church Approves Gay Bishop 3rd August 2003 : The Anglican Church has voted to approve the appointment of Mr Robinson an openly gay bishop who has lived with his male partner for 14 years.

2004 U.S.A. Statue of Liberty 3rd August 2004 : The Statue of Liberty was reopened for tourists for the first time since the Sept. 11 attacks.

1918 Russia Germans Killed 3rd August 1918 : Russian revolutionaries killed 700 Germans in a blast at Kiev, which indicates a terror campaign has started against the German oppressors. Also, Field Marshal Von Eachhorns was murdered, his assassin fleeing from Russia.

1931 U.S.A. Sheep In Texas 3rd August 1931 : Old time sheep ranchers in San Angelo, Texas recall that the first sheep were brought into West Texas in 1875 by John Arden who drove the animals from California. Arden died a couple of years later, but his widow started a partnership with Chas. B. Metcalf and fenced in 20,000 acres for the sheep. The fencing was unique as it was wire netting, which had never been seen in the area before. The Arden farm had an enormous number of sheep.

2004 U.S.A. Savannah River Research Campus 3rd August 2004 : Dr. Bill Summers, a key scientist looked on as dignitaries turned the sod on the Savannah River Research Campus which was built for researching hydrogen as an alternative fuel source. A total of 9.2 million was spent on the project. Forty to fifty top scientists will be working on the new venture, hopefully starting a new era of universities and business cooperating to solve the energy crisis.

Summer of '69

A few hours ago, my mother-in-law picked up my son for the night, and I immediately got ready for a quiet night to myself. The whole day was hot, hitting 102F with a 106F heat index, and neither my son, nor I, was in the mood to do much except stay inside with the A/C. My poor son didn't know what to do with himself and I was anxious for my night of freedom to begin. As I was getting a much needed shower, an old song from the 80's entered my mind. It took me back to a much more carefree time and reminded me of summers filled with leisure and fun. The music of that decade always brings a smile to my face and lifts my spirits...unless, of course, one of those sappy love ballads begins to play, but I won't go there.

Since I can't get the video of this song to transfer over, the lyrics will just have to do.

Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams

I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it till my fingers bled
It was the summer of '69

Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard
Jimmy quit and Jody got married
I shoulda known we'd never get far

Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenin's down at the drive-in
And that's when I met you

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of '69

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no
And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '69

Summertime bliss

Despite my preference for cooler temperatures and the joys of tasty wintertime delights, there are a few pleasures that can only be found on a warm day.

In our home, I always make sure that we have some fresh fruits and vegetables at the ready. While this is important to do for the health of any household, my son's diet makes it even more vital that he has access to foods that are packed with nutrients. Gluten and dairy products have already been eliminated from his diet, so they must be replaced with other foods that can provide the same nutritional benefits. Among the foods that I love to keep on hand (especially when they are in season) are strawberries, which I consider one of the culinary icons of summertime.

Nearly everyone in my family loves this berry, and my son and I are no exception. There's nothing like a sweet, yet tart, strawberry on a hot summer day. They're refreshing, light, and always a pleasure to snack on straight from the carton. Even though eating them cold is nice, they are at their best when warmed by the sun. Today, I found a good deal (the rising produce prices notwithstanding) and located 2lb. cartons of strawberries for $5 each. I snatched one up and already, my son has devoured nearly half of the container! So, to honor the luscious strawberry, I located some trivia about it on http://www.pickyourown.org/strawberryfacts.htm:

Berries on a straw? There is a legend that strawberries were named in the nineteenth-century by English children who picked the fruit, strung them on grass straws and sold them as "Straws of berries". Another theory is the name was derived from the nineteenth-century practice (ands still today, although most farms use raised beds, enclosed in plastic) of placing straw around the growing berry plants to protect the ripening fruit.

Fragrant - The strawberry belongs to the genus Fragraria in the rose family, along with apples and plums. The name of the scientific classification was derived from the Old Latin word for fragrant. The modern Italian word for strawberry is still "Fragola".

Very berry or not? The strawberry is not classified by botanists as a true berry. True berries, such as blueberries and cranberries have seeds inside. The strawberry, however has its dry, yellow "seeds" on the outside (each of which is actually considered a separate fruit).

Native American Indians called strawberries "heart-seed berries" and pounded them into their traditional corn-meal bread. Discovering the great taste of the Native Americans bread, colonists decided to create their own version, which became an American favorite that we all know and love .. Strawberry Shortcake.

Ornamental value - The English and French also found strawberries used the beautiful heart-shaped berries to landscape their gardens. In fourteenth-century France, Charles V ordered twelve hundred strawberry plants to be grown in the Royal Gardens of the Louvre.

Lovely berries - Strawberries have long been associated with love and flirtation. At wedding breakfasts in provincial France, newlyweds traditionally were served a soup of thinned sour cream, strawberries, borage and powdered sugar. Miss that "borage"....

Seedy characters - On the average, there are 200 tiny seeds in every strawberry. If all the strawberries produced in California this year were laid berry to berry, they'd wrap around the world 15 times. That's enough strawberries to provide every U.S. household with 12 pint baskets.

Are you weird? Respondents to a recent national survey labeled strawberry lovers as "health conscious, fun loving, intelligent and happy." Non-strawberry lovers, on the other hand, were described as "weird, boring, stuffy--picky, fussy eaters who avoid healthy foods."