Where Are We Going?

Last night, I decided to watch one of my favorite films, the 1995 A&E production of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice." I found myself wishing that I could go back in time. Although I'm well aware that life was not necessarily easy, society in the 18th century did offer some benefits. In some ways, life in the 1700's was much easier than life is today. Today, we strive to be unique individuals and eschew conformity. Some individuality is good, but so is some degree of conformity. Conformity can provide a sense of stability, of knowing what is expected of you; in today's world, many people ask themselves: "Who am I?", "What is my purpose in life?" In the 18th century, one's economic status and family association often decided the path a person could take. To some extent, such a person could still set forth on his own journey, but at least he knew the status quo. Today, our options in life are so vast that we are overwhelmed by our available choices.

Another benefit of 18th century society was the focus on family. Family was the center of life for many people. Perhaps my observation is incorrect, but it seems to me that modern society has become more narcissistic by comparison. As I watched the film, I noticed greater intimacy between the characters than one would find today among family members.

In the modern world, society has lost touch with what is most important: home and family. Instead, we immerse ourselves in electronic gadgets, suggestive and violent media that degrades our ability to effectively and artfully communicate with others. We are no longer in the habit of penning letters with our own hand, but prefer to type our words using a computer and send our messages through fiber optics that provide instantaneous results thousands of miles away. And as we become engrossed in our modern toys, we stuff ourselves with prepackaged foods containing artificial ingredients and chemicals that do our bodies harm. A disproportionate number of people are overweight. We have become disconnected from each other in many ways.

Perhaps the time has come to return to the basics of life; however, as I type this message on a computer and prepare to publish online, I contradict my own words and sit alone at a table in a bar and grille engrossed in my own thoughts as people sit in groups around me and music plays loudly from speakers in the room. Like so many others, I, too, am reluctant and conditioned to continue embracing modern technology that encourages instant gratification and individual pursuits. At what point will I finally slow down without feeling the need to fidget out of boredom because I crave modern diversions from the simple things in life?

Dyscalculia

Since my last post last summer, life has become much busier. I'm finally in graduate school to earn my Master of Arts in Education and earn my secondary teacher certification. I have one problem, though...math. I have always been poor with numbers yet have managed to get by with math classes within my abilities. However, I have reached an impasse as I now must prove math proficiency at the college level. I have never attained college-level math skills despite earning an associate and bachelor's degree. Somehow, the path I took to obtain my college education allowed me to avoid the math courses that give me the most grief.

For the past few years, I have considered that my weak skills may be more than simply being poor with numbers. The idea of a learning disability has crossed my mind. A person can excel at many subjects and perform dismally in one. With math, I can take a course, be able to do the work (although not necessarily understand what I'm doing, just going through the motions and copying the steps my instructor tells me to follow), and by the time I return home at the end of the day, forget how to do the entire lesson. Sometimes, I can perform well throughout the course, then forget everything within a few weeks after the course has ended and it's like I never took the course in the first place. These issues lead to anxiety and frustration. More than once, I have been reduced to tears because I could not understand how to perform a math function regardless of the amount of study time or methods. In one instance, I had to resist the urge to hurl my textbook through a closed window. I also have problems doing math problems mentally. If I were to attempt to add 2 3-digit numbers in my head, I would require several minutes because I would forget the total for each column and have to start over several times...before becoming fed up and working the problem on paper.

I did a little research and learned about a learning disability that matches all of the problems I contend with every time I encounter math--dyscalculia. I was rather surprised to find this condition. When people hear about learning disabilities, most think of disabilities in language, such as reading, dyslexia; however, some people have disabilities processing and retaining numerical data. Unfortunately, getting evaluated for this is difficult due to the length of time that I have been away from math classes. The diagnostician requires hard data, such as grades, standardized test scores, etc., I have no current data, since the last math class I took was in the early 1990's. One of these days, I would like to know for certain, but until then, I must continue to struggle moving forward despite the lack of required math skills.