Decisions, Decisions

This is a rare weekend for me. I had my son for roughly 24 hours since Friday afternoon, and as of 5:20pm today, he is now back with his grandmother until Monday morning, when she'll drop him off at daycare while I go to my first day of work for the school year. At that point, I'll pick him up in the late afternoon. Till then, I have the house to myself, along with peace and quiet.

One would think that I would have plans for this rare free time, but I don't. I can think of several activities that I can do with my time, which is where my conundrum takes place: I do have a gift card to the Olive Garden that I could use, but I would like to save it for a rainy day, when I REALLY need to get out of the house. Staying home to read a book cover-to-cover is also appealing, as such an opportunity rarely arises. Often, by the day's end, I'm too exhausted to do much but let my brain veg in front of the TV. Besides, my mind is not quiet enough to focus on a book at this time - or I've simply forgotten how to quiet my mind so I can focus on a good book. I could put away the washed laundry that I hung to dry a few days ago. A good movie on DVD is another option. I could also chat on my favorite message board to reconnect with friends whom I seldom get to chat with these days. I'm currently in the middle of reorganizing my photo albums, trying to fit in four or five additional packets of photos with the space I have left. I have an old photo album that needs to be replaced before the acid in the pages damages my old photos, so a new album is needed to replace it. I could also do some baking - baking gluten-free is a learning process, as well as a lesson in chemistry where ingredients are concerned, and I still have trouble getting decent results when baking from scratch.

Decisions, decisions! Whatever I wind up doing, I just want to savor the calm and quiet within these four walls.

Ubi Caritas

Last night, I posted a small list of music that is special to me. Among them is a work called, "Ubi Caritas." The lyrics speak of love, charity, and peace, concepts that seem in short supply in many parts of the world at present. With the war still going on in Iraq and now the struggles between Georgia and Russia, the words of "Ubi Caritas" take on greater importance to me. I decided to pass on the words of this song, as not everyone will be familiar with it, along with a bit of its history (per Wikipedia):

Latin text:

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Congregavit nos in unum Christi amor.
Exultemus, et in ipso iucundemur.
Timeamus, et amemus Deum vivum.
Et ex corde diligamus nos sincero.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Simul ergo cum in unum congregamur:
Ne nos mente dividamur, caveamus.
Cessent iurgia maligna, cessent lites.
Et in medio nostri sit Christus Deus.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Simul quoque cum beatis videamus,
Glorianter vultum tuum, Christe Deus:
Gaudium quod est immensum, atque probum,
Saecula per infinita saeculorum. Amen

English translation:

Where charity and love are, God is there.
Christ's love has gathered us into one.
Let us rejoice and be pleased in Him.
Let us fear, and let us love the living God.
And may we love each other with a sincere heart.

Where charity and love are, God is there.
As we are gathered into one body,
Beware, lest we be divided in mind.
Let evil impulses stop, let controversy cease,
And may Christ our God be in our midst.

Where charity and love are, God is there.
And may we with the saints also,
See Thy face in glory, O Christ our God:
The joy that is immense and good,
Unto the ages through infinite ages. Amen.

"Ubi Caritas" are the opening words to a Roman Catholic hymn and is usually sung during the Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. The traditional music is believed to have come about sometime between the fourth and tenth centuries. The rendition that I have on my list is sung by Connie Dover; her version of the song is beautiful with an almost hypnotic rhythm to it. Even if you're not very religious (or not at all), I hope the message of love, charity, and peace makes this song worth taking to heart.

Music of the Soul

I enjoy music in general, but the genre that really speaks to me is Celtic music. The majority of my CD collection is comprised of this genre, with a bit of classical, medieval, rock, religious, and holiday music to round it out. There's something about the sounds of pipes, flute, whistle, harp, fiddle, and bodhran that take me to another place in time more than other forms of music. Regardless of which songs I choose to listen to, there are a select few that speak to me more than others. This list isn't complete, as I'm sure there are some pieces that I've forgotten; it's been a while since I've listened to some of my CDs. So, here's a taste of what speaks to my soul:

1. Planxty Burke - Turlough O'Carolan, Irish harper, poet, & composer, 1670-1738

2. The Dark Island - traditional Scottish, instrumental version

3. Lullaby - music by Loreena McKennitt, poem by William Blake

4. Ubi Caritas - Connie Dover

"Ubi Caritas" are the first words of a Roman Catholic hymn dating back to between the fourth and tenth centuries.

5. Wild Geese (Gye Fiane) - John & William Neal collection, circa 1724, performed by The Baltimore Consort on the CD, "The Mad Buckgoat."

"Wild Geese" is a tune from the Neal collection and was composed in farewell to the Jacobite army leaving Ireland after the capitulation of Limerick in 1691.

"The Wild Geese are a group of soldiers from Limerick. They have fought throughout the ages; some soldiers even came and fought in the American Civil War. There is a squadron of soldiers that exits even today,"

6. Snow - Loreena McKennitt

7. Requiem - "Dies Irae" is based upon the 13th century plainchant attributed to Thomas of Celano

8. Marco Polo - Loreena McKennitt

Daydreams and a Restless Spirit

Throughout my life, I've always felt torn in two, between wanting a life of predictability and yearning for adventure in far-off places. I LOVE to travel, but I know that I can't do that as I'd like. I see people, like my mother, who prefer a staid lifestyle and wish that I could be equally content to stay in one place and live a quiet, simple life. However, my spirit is too restless to be able to sit still for too long. I quickly become bored with the daily grind, and I feel an incredible pull to go somewhere, anywhere, to see something new, experience new sights, sounds, and smells and meet people who live differently from me. I would love to go somewhere new every weekend to keep this urge tamed, but that is not always possible when I have responsibilities that take greater priority.

Amid this vacillating nature, I have one ace up my sleeve: a vivid imagination. As far back as I can remember, I would spend my free time daydreaming about another world, or dreaming about a life I would much rather prefer. It took me years to train myself to keep my tendency to daydream under control - when to focus my attention on the realities before me, and when to allow my mind to wander. In my adult life, I continue to use this ability, but it's no longer only to take me on trips. I've used it to resolve problems occurring in real life by mentally going over various scenarios and judging which solution was most possible. I've also used this skill to release anger and frustration.

Where this ability came from is beyond me. I can recall being in my youth bed at age 2 or 3 and daydreaming the afternoon away. I've often joked that I was born without an off switch for my brain, so perhaps this daydreaming is a way of expelling excess mental energy. I can be a very creative person, so perhaps this is an extension of my creative nature. Who knows? However, as much as this ability is an intrinsic part of me, it can get in the way. If something is bothering me, I cannot focus on much else until that thorn is removed and all is resolved; my mind must work it out before I can move on. For good or bad, my daydreams and I are inextricably linked, and the restless spirit that writhes inside of me must be content with this sole outlet.

My own list

In response to Rita's question, "What's On Your List?," I had to think long and hard about what items that ensure a good day or improve a bad one. At first, I had trouble thinking beyond one or two items, but as the morning progressed, I realized that there were other things that I had never really thought about, yet those things have brought me peace of mind when I'm down or stressed out. So here's my own list:

1. My Gemeinhardt flute. I've been playing for 28 years and in retrospect, I've realized that this instrument, with it's sweet sound, has always calmed me on hectic days in the past. Thankfully, I'm getting to play for others again in church, as our choir director wishes to use me and one other player more frequently, and as I've picked up my flute again, I'm rediscovering that calming effect. One piece that she has planned for us as a duet is Pachelbel's Canon in D - one of my favorite classical pieces!

2. Ferrero Rocher hazelnut/chocolate balls. Not only do I love the aroma of hazelnut and chocolate, I also love the contrast of creamy and crunchy, which this confection provides. I try to keep a small supply (I'm currently out) handy for a small indulgence at the end of the day and I try to limit myself to 3 pieces a night, but there are moments when I've discovered that I've devoured the whole package!

3. Music by Loreena McKennitt. Her music has always calmed me when I'm going through a particularly down time and when it's time to sleep. Her music often has a Celtic flavor to it, but some of her more recent music possesses a more Middle Eastern feel. Much of her work is inspired by her own life and travels and through poetry. She's set to music poetry by the likes of W. B. Yeats, Alfred Noyes, Dante Alighieri, William Blake, and Padraic Collum. One of my favorite songs from her original arrangements is "The Mummer's Dance."

4. Bath products by Bath & Body Works. My favorite is Sandalwood/Rose, but they have recently discontinued my favorite scent. I've seen it online, but it can no longer be purchased in the stores. Another favorite scent that they still have is Moonlight Path. I used to purchase their products on a regular basis, but now must reserve such purchases for special treats.

5. My Jane Austen DVDs. Watching the film versions of her works takes me to a simpler(?) time and place. I've always been partial to "Pride and Prejudice," but I also love "Persuasion."

6. Edy's/Dreyer's or Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I love ice cream despite the fact that it adds pounds and inches where you don't want them. I've always had an issue with dairy products, but I refuse to give up this creamy delight! I'm willing to endure the minor gastric discomfort for this pleasure-inducing comfort food.

7. Playing handbells. Over ten years ago, I got into playing handbells and handchimes. A lot of concentration and wrist work is involved and there have been times when I've actually awakened the next morning with sore wrists from playing. With the various techniques used in playing, I find myself relieved of stress by the end of rehearsal.

8. Safety 1st devices. My son has become a veritable human monkey! He has quickly figured out how to climb his way to shelves and cabinets that were once well out of his reach. He's figured out how to open the refrigerator door and then not close it. He discovered the joy of dumping sorghum flour all over the kitchen floor the other day. Safety 1st makes a variety of devices to keep unwary children safe and to save the sanity of many parents. Believe me, these devices truly can make the difference between a good and bad day!

9. "The Synonym Finder" by J. I. Rodale. This tome of a book has been a godsend for my writing! This book puts a standard dictionary to shame! I love to write even though words don't always come so easily. I express myself better in writing than I do verbally, and as a result, writing is therapeutic for me; it helps me get my thoughts and feelings out before they burst inside me. This book helps me out when I want to add variety to my vocabulary and prevent the overuse of selected words in my text.

Charity begins at home

Recently, a family moved out of a rental home just down the road from me. Placed against the porch was a huge bin with perfectly good clothing and other items in it. Whenever I see sights like this, it makes me sad to think that all this family had to do was to donate these items to charity.

I've always found it wasteful to just throw items away simply because I don't want them anymore. Perhaps I get this from my grandparents and mother, who tend to keep stuff whether they need it or not (I come from a family of pack-rats). When I do discard belongings I no longer want or need, it's because they cannot be repaired, rendering them useless to anyone who may want them. For certain items, I will seek out ways to recycle first before adding to the garbage bin. If I have things that can be of use to other people, I am willing to make the trip to a second-hand store or to pass along my things to a charitable organization. Upon my move to Texas, I donated my son's crib, baby swing, 3 large garbage bags of summer and winter clothing, and a few other smaller items to my former church. They assist homeless families, who have been provided a temporary home, to reestablish themselves and these families are given furniture, clothing, and anything else required to make a house a home. These items are theirs to keep and take with them once they acquire a permanent residence. Currently, I donate clothing that my son outgrows to a special cause that clothes children who have been taken from abusive/dangerous homes. Many of these children enter the foster care system with nothing but the clothes on their backs and many don't have shoes or other necessities. This organization accepts clothing, toys, baby furniture - anything that is needed to care for these children.

So the next time you are purging your excess and unwanted household items, if they can be of use to others, pack them up and give them to charity. What goes around, comes around.

Swimming lessons

During my son's swimming lesson today, the thought crossed my mind that life is a lot like swimming:

When times get too tough to endure, some of us go off the deep end.

Sometimes, we have to struggle to keep our heads above the water.

When you're trying to keep a bad situation from becoming worse, you must tread water.

When life is going great and then all of a sudden some aspect of life becomes a disaster, we take a nose dive.

When you experience a huge, unexpected expense that completely turns your finances on its ear and you can't recover from it, you drown.

Life is like water, we either stay afloat, tread water, or drown in the events that Life throws at us, but at least we have the choice as to how well we handle the fate we're given.

May you rest in peace, Uncle Charles

This evening, I received a call from my mother that my great-uncle Charles passed away this morning in Medina, Ohio. He lived to be 96, just missing his 97th birthday by a few months. He was born Charles Everett Winkelmann on October 31, 1911 in West Alexandria, Ohio and was the first of twelve children, two of whom died in infancy. Only this evening, upon hearing of his passing, did I learn that he had been diagnosed with cancer of some sort several months ago. His daughters never told the rest of the family. Uncle Charles was the patriarch of our extended family and was much loved by everyone. He has always been a personal favorite of mine; I always looked forward to seeing him at our family reunions every August. He was always kind, gentle, and happy. Our next family reunion is next Sunday, but as I live a 1000 miles away, I won't be able to attend or pay my respects to a much-loved uncle.

In his long life, he endured plenty of loss: his parents, two wives and a close companion, and six siblings, but he never lost his faith in God. He never forgot where he came from. He leaves behind three daughters, three grandchildren, and 2-3 great-grandchildren. He now passes the torch to my grandfather as the eldest member of our family, who is now 88 years old. So, Uncle Charles, a Celtic blessing for you:

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face.

May the rain fall soft upon your fields,

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Go mbeannai Dia duit (May God Bless You).